Swingers Club

Here's what you need to know before going to a Swingers club

Heading into a swingers' club for the first time and worried you might screw it up? You're not alone. But don't worry - this definitely isn't high school, and you're not walking into a mess of a lifestyle club bursting with cliques. Instead, this is where adults gather - and with a little know-how you can join the club too.

For the best experience, here are a few things that will level up your swinger fantasy and make it a reality.

Communicate with your partner

This vital step before hitting up your first swingers club might seem like a given, but it's something many a couple overlooks. Before anything sexy unfolds, couples need plenty of time to communicate their expectations, concerns, and fantasies with each other. Because group sex and swaps are great, but they only work for couples when they've confronted all areas that could be potential pain points.

For starters, share what you envision happening at the swingers' club. Get on the same page before ever stepping foot in a swing club. Are you looking for a full swap, soft swap, or same room action? Make sure your partner wants the same. This means having honest conversations about what you and your partner are individually comfortable with.

Swinging is a blast, but only if couples have a plan together. If not, your fun event will lead you to stakes that are too high to overcome - something a lot of relationships come up against in their first foray into nonmonogamy. Start by sharing fantasies and asking about your partner's, too. Take a chance, and share your fantasies about being at a swinger club. For a truly vulnerable conversation, make sure you're face-to-face, and are holding hands or otherwise connecting.

As you get closer to making fantasies real, bring up potential problems in a non-confrontational way. Ask them how they'd really feel if they saw you having sex with a stranger, and talk about boundaries to help get your feet wet. For your first few times going to swinger clubs or places like it, it might help to develop a code so you can work through any situation together. A secret sentence or phrase is a perfect way to convey that you're uncomfortable, need to go home, or just want to talk in private, without embarrassing either one of you.

Even if you think you're going to be comfortable with every activity and relish the idea of attention from strangers, the reality often catapults you in a whole different frame of mind. The point of this kind of life with your partner is to deepen your connection to one another and make your relationship even more powerful than it was before. So sit down for a good conversation, talk about everything, and put all your questions on the line.

Dress to the nines

If you're heading into swingers clubs across the United States like Eyes Wide Shut in Houston (all rights reserved), expect people to be jazzing the place up with incredible outfits - and you're no exception.

Take every care with your appearance - men and women alike. Every person there has no reason to not put on their best clothes and a good front before going in. If you hope to have some luck with the guys and girls, you can't show up with nothing to offer. In an environment like this, every man, woman, and nonbinary honey will be wearing something special and positioning themselves to be the person everyone wants to take to bed that night.

So before heading to any swinging club, make sure you have an outfit that would stand out. Couples can shop for cute clothes online (check Depop in the app store), or go in person to a high-end sex shop. With a little innovation, you'll stun your first time ever entering a swinger club. Heading alone or not sure what to wear? Bring a friend or lover to your shopping trip, so they can give you honest feedback as you stand in the mirror at the dressing room.

Check the guidelines (more on that later) and make sure you're actually choosing an outfit that works with the club's expectations. Most places have dress codes, so you'll get rejected at the door - no matter how much money's in your hand - if you aren't wearing the right outfit. Expectations are different for every club, but it's normal to see people demanding men wear button-downs and slacks (no jeans), and women wearing lingerie. Suit up!

Bring protection

Look, porn videos may tell you that sex in the clubs is a thing of pure debauchery and no protection, but you'd be wrong. Those are stories. Kind of like how New Zealand doesn't actually have hobbits or dragons (at least, I don't think so), you need to be aware that anyone entering a play party had better bring condoms that work for their body and arsenal of toys.

Even if you and a partner end up not using protection, having it with you will only open doors and help you feel safe. To make partners even more eager to hook up, get tested beforehand. Pleasure and security go hand in hand, and a clear STD panel lets you drink your lover down like the sexiest flavor under the sun.

Somebody is going to ask you about your STD history, and you need to be ready with a real type of answer before the party begins. With that information in hand, the atmosphere will be more relaxed, and others will be more open to getting closer with you and hearing your spicy story. If you want to be invited to more parties, you won't skip this vital step.

Expect nothing

Sure, you're thirsty for that first visit, but hold your horses. The place is not a free-for-all. In kink and swingers' circles, the most important word you'll ever learn is 'consent.'

As you head into a party (or any sexual situation, really), remember that in a space like this, the rule of thumb is 'yes means yes', not 'no means no.' The difference? Think about it this way. 'No means no' translates to 'assume someone is down to mix with you until they tell you no.' A good play partner flips that concept - so go into situations like these taking into account that your visits might lead to nothing but more friends - and that's okay.

Some nights it just happens - and a good night doesn't always lead to a guy getting laid or couples finding their unicorn. Sometimes, it's watching new kinks unfold, or getting to know a member who can invite you to another kind of play party, or having one-on-one dirty talk with other swingers.

Although this sounds counter-intuitive to a swingers' night, hear me out. Nobody wants to have sex with the guy who's always touching people without asking, desperate to weasel his way into anyone's love puddle without honoring boundaries. The amazing thing about clubs like this isn't that nobody has boundaries: it's that we're all finally free to express our boundaries the way they truly are.

So if you want to surrender to the glory of the night (and get invited back down the line) establish whether people are into you to begin with. If you're vibing with someone, talk to them. Be explicit, and ask how they feel about your proposition. Not comfortable with dirty talk yet? Start practicing with your partner. Make it sexy. The more you try it on, the more comfortable (and sexy) it'll get.

Once a new lover says 'yes' to you at the club, that's your chance to talk to them about setting up safe words. Yes, it's mandatory for every gathering, even if it's not a kinky one. Your new partner may be down for making out naked, but no oral, or down for oral, but not penetration or anal. Everything they say, goes. Let running boundaries move and go forward, and be receptive to whatever they say.

When you get it on with someone new, your work is only beginning. If you even sense the slightest hesitation in your new lover, stop and ask. Check in. That's what a good lover, a mind-blowing lover, one who gets invited back again and again, one that men and women reminisce about with a lightning bolt to their cores each and every time, does.

And if someone tells you they're not interested? Well, you're just lucky you're at a sex party with plenty of fish in the sea.

Choose the right club

Every club is different, and no two cater to people's interests in the exact same way. When entering a swinger club, make sure you've done your research beforehand to find one that works best with the kinds of things you and your husband or wife are hoping to witness.

It's not just their kink offerings you need to worry about. Start by looking into the simple things, like the food and drinks situation. Nobody wants to show up to a swinger club on an empty stomach when there's nothing but a bar stocked with bartenders dishing alcohol on alcohol. Likewise, if your fee pays for a buffet, you don't want to show up having just come from dinner. A club is only as good as your preparation is, so check their site (and check it again).

Some clubs even offer prospective members tours or a newsletter sent right to their email inbox. And if you can, read an article reviewing the place or check comments on Yelp (like these for Tabu) to find people who are writing with their name identified, so you know they're not just making money to leave a positive comment or two about the club.

Get down to the nitty gritty, and even familiarize yourself with the area the club is in. Nothing's worse than heading to a club only to be thwarted by parking restrictions you just weren't prepared to slog through. Set the drama to the side and do a little homework first.

Read the terms and guidelines - then read them again

It may seem like couples just fall into the swinger club lifestyle, but in reality, no one who swings gets through the doors leading to this realm without following a few important guidelines first - it's just a fact.

At We Club (all rights reserved, copyright), for instance, they have a rules and regulations page outlining every term and condition that comes with attendance. If people skip even one, they'll be turned away at the door (or kicked out and never asked to return).

This isn't a strip club. Sex clubs are their own unique breed of play, so even if you've watched strippers dance a million times, couples need to be prepared first. Before going forward with a ticket purchase without checking in, do your part and continue your homework. Look around their site for the rules and guidelines. Lifestyle clubs and swinging clubs are all different, so don't expect to already know it all. All people joining must follow every single membership stipulation to a T. If a club says you need to wear five-inch heels, by god, you wear them. If a club says you have to mark how many drinks you've had, don't question it. And people, if there's an entry fee, don't have an issue of bringing a card when they're cash only.

Again, read the reviews, scour their website, and find out what kind of events they typically host. The customer who gets invited back to dance and have fun is one who has read all the posts, researched the team of staff, and know how to (mis)behave.

Swinger clubs are everywhere...

You just need to know where to look. People around the world swing - so stop hesitating, and get in business. You'll find opportunities for swingers clubs in every location around the globe, from Paris, France to cruises in the middle of the Pacific to countries across South America, Asia, and Africa. And around the US, throw a rock and you'll hit one. Springfield, MO; Arlington, VA; Baltimore, MD; and DC, all have a few swingers' clubs to take part in.

If you know where to look, you can even find a swinging community in your town. Strike out? Take a trip to a larger city to find a night you'll never forget.

The door is open, waiting for people like you to become members of a swingers' club tonight.